What fabulous writing! You have included a lot of visual language, so it creates an image in my mind as I read it. Great novels take you to another world, and you have certainly succeeded with this writing. I love the pick-a-path style of writing, it was my favourite when I was a kid. I'm going to show this to my class and see if they'd like to write a story using this website! Congratulations. From Mrs Burnett, Upper Harbour Primary, Auckland
I am so impressed by your work! The story is well thought out, and the descriptions involved are great. I am going to show my Year 6-8 class (at Aka Aka School) to inspire them. Thank you for sharing!
Wow! What an incredible journey you just took me on! Some very clever and well thought out writing, I can definitely see some future writers coming out of this classroom! I am going to share this with my studio tomorrow! Jo Atkinson -Korimako 3 at Waitakiri Primary School - Christchurch. ( I got one of the few good endings!)
I met a grisly end…last seen vanishing down….oopps don’t want to spoil it for anyone! I love the mystery and sense of suspense created in these types of books – Awesome work Team Tokomaru. I’m going to add the link to our blog so that students can read it during literacy time and give you some peer feedback. (Yr 5 & 6) Thanks Bevan Pinfold – Bayfield Primary – Auckland
Awesome work, it was a really amazing story full of thrills and exceptional visual language. I really loved all the paths and options. It was such an great journey. KG Bayfield primary.
I really like the suspense it makes me feel like i'm actually there. 1)The suspense is really good. 2)The monster has a funny name "Sonny Jim". 3)The start hooks you in. Wish) Put in more of a selection of choices. S.p-Bayfield primary-Auckland
i like how you have a few death situations and some life situations. i like how its sunny and then suddenly its freezing cold.good job t.p from bayfield school
The first time I did it I had a really bad ending. Then the second time I got one of the few good endings. I loved the stories they hooked me in right from the beginning. They made me want to read more! Next time you should try to make more of a range of different story topics. Lucca Bayfield school
I really liked the story it hooked me in right at the beginning. I think it was great the you had so many different passages. if you were to right another one I think it would be cool to make real not fantasy E.L Bayfield School
I like how all your questions had I different end. I also like how all the questions wernt simple and that they were very creative and intersteing . One other thing that I liked was that you could not see a head to the awners to the questions so it was very intense. One wish is that it was a little longer because I would have liked to be able to live longer. LI bayfield school.
This was a really clever piece of writing, I liked the end wich I chose (the train keeps going) it was a bit short though. There was a bit of capital letters not there but that was all.
We really loved it! The story was very interesting and exciting. We thought the language was very good. We wondered why the windigo was able to swim in the water when the weakness was water.
There was a lot of descriptive language and a very exciting and dramatic plot. It felt like it was actually real! You put a lot of effort into this story. The pick your path option also makes the story more interesting and you can try many different paths again and again. Next time, remember to double check your work for punctuation and grammar. Overall it was a very captivating story and we really enjoyed it. Judy and Maggie from Glenfield Intermediate room 1 year 8
That was a really descriptive story, especially in the gross parts! It really pulled us in and we had to start over about a million times... Your next step could be to work on your grammar. But it was a captivating story, it seems as though you worked really hard on this. Isabelle and Kaelyn - Glenfield Intermediate year 8 room 1
We loved how you made the choices hard to choose from and the ending was an interesting choice that went well with the story. Can you make the story longer by using more than 2 options? Overall the story was great-Caitlin, Tyra & Ashley Room 1 year 8 Glenfield Intermediate.
We had a good start that didn't last long enough. It was an interesting story with many possibilities but unfortunately ours ended a bit bad. But all over it was a great story that was very fun and adventurous. By Joshua and Leif - Glenfield Intermediate- Year 8- room 1
The story was really interesting, how you can kinda interact with the story and choose your paths. I sadly met a bad ending and got killed by a Windigo. Be sure to double check your work for missing punctuation. By: Nevan -Glenfield Intermediate School -Year 8 Room1
This was a very clever piece of writing. I liked the surprise ending of the path I chose, and the deep description of the character though it was a little short. There were a little bit of punctuation mistakes. Over all a good piece of writing. By Quentin rm1 Glenfield intermediate .
This was a very engaging and thrilling story that I went back to each time and kept re reading and choosing different paths. My feedback to you is that you recheck and thoroughly edit next time; check your punctuation.I would also like to say that don't rush the story! Other than that, it was spectacular (:
Thanks for the lovely story, Glenfield Intermediate School - Year 8
I like the effort you put in.The path we took had a really good plot, until I turned into a weird superhero. I think that was a weird turn of events. Next time maybe you should check your punctuation.
From Uvin and Lexi, Room 1 Glenfield Intermediate.
I Liked the concept of the story and the way you can choose paths, I also liked how real it felt as I was reading it and I liked the different paths that you could choose from. overall I liked the plot and how the different paths changed the story completely. Next time try to make sure that you double check your punctuation and grammer.
Wow! The story was great. I could picture everything that happened because of the great description. I had to retry because I died! One thing I didn't get though, how come the windigo chased me through the river when water is the weakness? However the grammar wasn't top notch and need improving. Alex and Sam Room 1 Glenfield Intermediate.
Wow! What a great idea. I really enjoyed it. It was full of fun adventures..... But at the end I got swallowed in a cave! I hope to do another one sometime! HM Bayfield School.
Amazing! That was a great story with lots of excitement and adventures. I like how I could imagine a picture in my mind of what was happening to me and why it was happening. I like how the story had lots of different language and expressions. I think next time you should make some of the questions a bit trickier so one of the paths end at a happy ending and one ends at a bad ending ES Bayfield Primary School
WOW! this story was amazing I felt as if I was in the story and the and all of the weird funky creatures were so creative.you should make more stories like. Bayfield school I.U
that mysterious & tense but over all amazing that must have taken you a long time. (1)i love how you could choose what to do & how it was up to you (2)i love how you were constantly in danger & it was really challenging to survive (3)so deep & interesting it really hooked me in i lived twice in the female version C.B Bayfield primary
I though you are so clever. your ideas where great.I got a real picture in my brain I got swashed like a human pancake both times as a boy and a girl. i wish that you could make some of the endings happy.
I loved hearing you share some of the story at our school assembly last week. Ka pai, Ruma Wha! You really thought about how to grab the reader and keep the suspense going throughout the story. Keep up the fabulous writing! I look forward to reading more. Mrs Mudgway :)
The first time i was squished into a pancake and then I got swallowed whole by a windigo I loved your ideas. The way you described what happened gave me a crystal clear picture in my head. I wish you made it that we could read for a little bit longer before making decisions. HS Bayfield School
WOW!!!! that was really cool I enjoyed it a lot, but I got eaten by a monster. That was so cool and I love the title. How did you create that? I want to make one.Isaac.
Hi Guys! My name is Jack and I go to Yaldhurst Model School in christchurch. I really like the idea of a class story. I really hope that our class does it. What would your next story be about?
Hi my name is Paige and I go to Yaldhurst Model School. I really like how you guys did this! I really want to try it but I think my class is going to do one. Was this fun to make or not why?
Hi my name is kalel it was fun making the story but hard when we wrote down ideas at the start because there were 14 of us making one story path.In the end when we did individual endings it was alote easier and fun.Anyway thankyou for reading our story and hope you get to write your own pick a path so we can read it.
i like how you set up the story how you could choose what you wanted it to be. i like how you used good word to describe the part. i wish i was not so sad, SC bayfield
I liked how you could choose what to do I also liked how you used lots of really descriptive words and how it seemed like it was in real life I wish that you could make some more of the endings a bit more happy SC Bayfield school
I like how you used amazing juicy language. I also like how you made the theme scary. One wish I have is that the main character did not go into the cave so that the story could go on.
I like how you have made this a story that people can have choices on what they can do. I can't wait to make one of my own! How long did it take to make and did you have any help making it?
Hi! I am really impressed with how hard this class works. This story is AMAZING!!! I love it! Just one thing in my opinion they should have happy endings some how. But that is just an idea. Is your class going to write more stories? Thanks!!!
What fabulous writing! You have included a lot of visual language, so it creates an image in my mind as I read it. Great novels take you to another world, and you have certainly succeeded with this writing. I love the pick-a-path style of writing, it was my favourite when I was a kid. I'm going to show this to my class and see if they'd like to write a story using this website! Congratulations. From Mrs Burnett, Upper Harbour Primary, Auckland
ReplyDeleteI am so impressed by your work! The story is well thought out, and the descriptions involved are great. I am going to show my Year 6-8 class (at Aka Aka School) to inspire them. Thank you for sharing!
ReplyDeleteWow! What an incredible journey you just took me on! Some very clever and well thought out writing, I can definitely see some future writers coming out of this classroom! I am going to share this with my studio tomorrow! Jo Atkinson -Korimako 3 at Waitakiri Primary School - Christchurch. ( I got one of the few good endings!)
ReplyDeleteI met a grisly end…last seen vanishing down….oopps don’t want to spoil it for anyone! I love the mystery and sense of suspense created in these types of books – Awesome work Team Tokomaru. I’m going to add the link to our blog so that students can read it during literacy time and give you some peer feedback. (Yr 5 & 6)
ReplyDeleteThanks Bevan Pinfold – Bayfield Primary – Auckland
Awesome work, it was a really amazing story full of thrills and exceptional visual language. I really loved all the paths and options. It was such an great journey.
ReplyDeleteKG Bayfield primary.
I survived just!
ReplyDeleteI love the sense of mystery.
Its all up to what you think.
There was a lot of options.
DH
bayfield
I like the adjectives !
ReplyDeleteI got squashed like a pancake.
ReplyDeleteI love how you had to decide what to do and you some times get really nervous
It was very mysterious.
KB
bayfield
I really like the suspense it makes me feel like i'm actually there.
ReplyDelete1)The suspense is really good.
2)The monster has a funny name "Sonny Jim".
3)The start hooks you in.
Wish) Put in more of a selection of choices.
S.p-Bayfield primary-Auckland
i like how you have a few death situations and some life situations. i like how its sunny and then suddenly its freezing cold.good job t.p from bayfield school
ReplyDeleteI like how it was a life and death situation and how your choices inlicted on whether or not you survived. Good Work. WT from Bayfield School
ReplyDeleteThe first time I did it I had a really bad ending. Then the second time I got one of the few good endings. I loved the stories they hooked me in right from the beginning. They made me want to read more!
ReplyDeleteNext time you should try to make more of a range of different story topics.
Lucca
Bayfield school
I really liked the story it hooked me in right at the beginning. I think it was great the you had so many different passages. if you were to right another one I think it would be cool to make real not fantasy
ReplyDeleteE.L
Bayfield School
I liked how imaginative it was I hope it doesn't happen in real life I wish that there was a happy ending in one of the options. O.R Bayfield Primary
ReplyDeleteI like how all your questions had I different end. I also like how all the questions wernt simple and that they were very creative and intersteing . One other thing that I liked was that you could not see a head to the awners to the questions so it was very intense. One wish is that it was a little longer because I would have liked to be able to live longer.
ReplyDeleteLI bayfield school.
This was a really clever piece of writing, I liked the end wich I chose (the train keeps going) it was a bit short though. There was a bit of capital letters not there but that was all.
ReplyDeleteWe really loved it! The story was very interesting and exciting. We thought the language was very good. We wondered why the windigo was able to swim in the water when the weakness was water.
ReplyDeleteThere was a lot of descriptive language and a very exciting and dramatic plot. It felt like it was actually real! You put a lot of effort into this story. The pick your path option also makes the story more interesting and you can try many different paths again and again. Next time, remember to double check your work for punctuation and grammar. Overall it was a very captivating story and we really enjoyed it.
ReplyDeleteJudy and Maggie from Glenfield Intermediate room 1 year 8
That was a really descriptive story, especially in the gross parts! It really pulled us in and we had to start over about a million times... Your next step could be to work on your grammar. But it was a captivating story, it seems as though you worked really hard on this.
ReplyDeleteIsabelle and Kaelyn - Glenfield Intermediate year 8 room 1
We loved how you made the choices hard to choose from and the ending was an interesting choice that went well with the story. Can you make the story longer by using more than 2 options? Overall the story was great-Caitlin, Tyra & Ashley Room 1 year 8 Glenfield Intermediate.
ReplyDeleteWe had a good start that didn't last long enough. It was an interesting story with many possibilities but unfortunately ours ended a bit bad. But all over it was a great story that was very fun and adventurous.
ReplyDeleteBy Joshua and Leif - Glenfield Intermediate- Year 8- room 1
The story was really interesting, how you can kinda interact with the story and choose your paths. I sadly met a bad ending and got killed by a Windigo. Be sure to double check your work for missing punctuation.
ReplyDeleteBy: Nevan -Glenfield Intermediate School -Year 8 Room1
This was a very clever piece of writing. I liked the surprise ending of the path I chose, and the deep description of the character though it was a little short. There were a little bit of punctuation mistakes. Over all a good piece of writing.
ReplyDeleteBy Quentin rm1 Glenfield intermediate .
This was a very engaging and thrilling story that I went back to each time and kept re reading and choosing different paths. My feedback to you is that you recheck and thoroughly edit next time; check your punctuation.I would also like to say that don't rush the story! Other than that, it was spectacular (:
ReplyDeleteThanks for the lovely story,
Glenfield Intermediate School - Year 8
I like the effort you put in.The path we took had a really good plot, until I turned into a weird superhero. I think that was a weird turn of events. Next time maybe you should check your punctuation.
ReplyDeleteFrom Uvin and Lexi, Room 1 Glenfield Intermediate.
I Liked the concept of the story and the way you can choose paths, I also liked how real it felt as I was reading it and I liked the different paths that you could choose from. overall I liked the plot and how the different paths changed the story completely. Next time try to make sure that you double check your punctuation and grammer.
ReplyDeleteWow! The story was great. I could picture everything that happened because of the great description. I had to retry because I died! One thing I didn't get though, how come the windigo chased me through the river when water is the weakness? However the grammar wasn't top notch and need improving.
ReplyDeleteAlex and Sam Room 1 Glenfield Intermediate.
it was really good i really enjoyed getting to chose my own even though i died it was still really good
ReplyDeleteMJ bayfield primary
Wow! What a great idea. I really enjoyed it. It was full of fun adventures..... But at the end I got swallowed in a cave! I hope to do another one sometime!
ReplyDeleteHM Bayfield School.
Wow i cant Belive i fell of a cliff then got roasted!
ReplyDeletegreat story i loved so much action :D .
I like the juice words and the personifications
ReplyDeleteI also like the similes. JT
Amazing! That was a great story with lots of excitement and adventures. I like how I could imagine a picture in my mind of what was happening to me and why it was happening. I like how the story had lots of different language and expressions. I think next time you should make some of the questions a bit trickier so one of the paths end at a happy ending and one ends at a bad ending
ReplyDeleteES Bayfield Primary School
WOW! this story was amazing I felt as if I was in the story and the and all of the weird funky creatures were so creative.you should make more stories like. Bayfield
ReplyDeleteschool I.U
Wow...what an adventure! I was so interested In the story I read both genders. Who ever wrote this story is the best story-writer in the world.
ReplyDeletethat mysterious & tense but over all amazing that must have taken you a long time.
ReplyDelete(1)i love how you could choose what to do & how it was up to you
(2)i love how you were constantly in danger & it was really challenging to survive
(3)so deep & interesting it really hooked me in
i lived twice in the female version
C.B Bayfield primary
I though you are so clever. your ideas where great.I got a real picture in my brain
ReplyDeleteI got swashed like a human pancake both times as a boy and a girl.
i wish that you could make some of the endings happy.
HH Bayfield School
I loved hearing you share some of the story at our school assembly last week. Ka pai, Ruma Wha! You really thought about how to grab the reader and keep the suspense going throughout the story. Keep up the fabulous writing! I look forward to reading more. Mrs Mudgway :)
ReplyDeleteThe first time i was squished into a pancake and then I got swallowed whole by a windigo
ReplyDeleteI loved your ideas. The way you described what happened gave me a crystal clear picture in my head. I wish you made it that we could read for a little bit longer before making decisions.
HS Bayfield School
You are so very clever and i would like to thank you for taking me through that wonderful journey... until i died. What and unexpected turn!
ReplyDeleteWOW!!!! that was really cool I enjoyed it a lot, but I got eaten by a monster. That was so cool and I love the title. How did you create that? I want to make one.Isaac.
ReplyDeleteHi Guys!
ReplyDeleteMy name is Jack and I go to Yaldhurst Model School in christchurch.
I really like the idea of a class story. I really hope that our class does it. What would your next story be about?
Hi my name is Paige and I go to Yaldhurst Model School. I really like how you guys did this! I really want to try it but I think my class is going to do one. Was this fun to make or not why?
ReplyDeleteHi my name is kalel it was fun making the story but hard when we wrote down ideas at the start because there were 14 of us making one story path.In the end when we did individual endings it was alote easier and fun.Anyway thankyou for reading our story and hope you get to write your own pick a path so we can read it.
DeleteI just love the fact that you made this story which you could make your own choices, overall I like it.
ReplyDeleteThis is a great story and it is really exciting, I think it would be cool to make one myself. The ending I got was really cool.
ReplyDeletei like how you set up the story how you could choose what you wanted it to be.
ReplyDeletei like how you used good word to describe the part.
i wish i was not so sad,
SC bayfield
Star I loved it it was like I am in the story
ReplyDeleteStar it was so funny chas the squrrl
it was fun choosing my own dicitions. it was fun chasing the squerill
ReplyDeleteI liked how you could choose what to do
ReplyDeleteI also liked how you used lots of really descriptive words and how it seemed like it was in real life
I wish that you could make some more of the endings a bit more happy
SC Bayfield school
I like how you used amazing juicy language. I also like how you made the theme scary. One wish I have is that the main character did not go into the cave so that the story could go on.
ReplyDeleteI like how you have made this a story that people can have choices on what they can do. I can't wait to make one of my own! How long did it take to make and did you have any help making it?
ReplyDeleteI like this a lot, it was really cool and interesting. I like how you made up an animal. Next time maybe have a positive ending.
ReplyDeleteHi!
ReplyDeleteI am really impressed with how hard this class works. This story is AMAZING!!! I love it! Just one thing in my opinion they should have happy endings some how. But that is just an idea.
Is your class going to write more stories?
Thanks!!!